- Danielle Edwards
A Thorn and a Rose: The Easiest Way to Start Communicating with your Kids
Originally posted on https://alamocity.citymomsblog.com/2019/01/20/a-thorn-and-a-rose-the-easiest-way-to-start-communicating-with-your-kids/

This tradition to share our highs and lows has strengthened our relationships with each other. First, there is an embedded act of listening when each child waits his/her turn to share. They are learning how to show compassion and empathy for each other. Secondly, they are building problem solving skills. We wait to hear if our family member wants to hear possible solutions if their thorn is about conflict with a friend, for example. When I ask my children what they like best about our “thorn and rose” routine, they say they enjoy telling us about their day and feeling heard. The kitchen table has become a safe place, and we have very few rules to guide our thorn and rose conversations.
As parents, my husband and I have made a conscious decision to avoid thorns regarding our children’s behavior. Of course, when my toddler takes off his diaper for the fifth time and spreads the goods all over my floor, it’s a HUGE thorn—one I cleaned for an hour. But it was dealt with in that moment and I don’t want to rehash it. A thorn communicates to my children that my husband and I have feelings too. When we mention a thorn, if possible, we add how we navigated that disappointment, sadness, or frustration. For example, my thorn last night was nearly getting hit by someone who ran a red light, so I said, “Today my thorn was when a car didn’t follow traffic laws and I got so angry at that car! I noticed how angry I was getting, so I took three deep breaths, which made me feel better.”
Just like taking three deep breaths, our thorn and rose conversations make me feel better too. It is our family tradition, one that the children encourage their friends and cousins to participate in when they visit. The kids always remind others that everyone has a thorn in a day and that’s OK, because you also get a rose. I want to keep this healthy outlook on life. While the children take turns talking about their day, the rest of us are learning to be active listeners, and that validates each of our feelings as much as it provides plenty of perspective.